2014 -> 2015

I’m going to be real here, 2014 was kinda crappy. I had such high hopes for it, but it just didn’t live up to them. It seems like this is a rather common feeling going around, so I don’t feel too badly about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see the calendar year as being a truly meaningful measurement of our lives. It’s length may have some significance, but it’s start and end are based on a date that is entirely arbitrary to us (set by Julius Caesar to line up with the consular year…blah blah blah). Why is it that these ³⁶⁵⁄₃₆₆ days should make up some important block of time? It’s actually kind of silly, but if the whole world is going to go along with something and it’s not hurting anyone, you might as well go along with it too, right?

I don’t do resolutions. I never have, really. I do, however, like to set some goals at the start of each year. It’s just a way of taking a moment to think about what it is I’d like to accomplish and set a little direction for myself. In 2014 I set a bunch of goals and for the most part, I’ve accomplished none of them. The thing is, though, I don’t even really care that much.

I had a lot of running goals early on. I wanted to BQ (qualify for Boston), run three marathons, keep up with strength work, etc. I didn’t really do any of those (I did cheer at Boston though!). I really struggled through running, actually, but there’s no need to keep harping on that. I’ve come to terms with it. I’m okay. I also spent a lot of time dealing with serious depression this year. I can blame a lot of it on making changes to my hormones, but not all of it. I’m pretty good right now so that’s cool, but there were some dark times this year.

I could go on and on about that crappiness of 2014, but there isn’t that much of a point. A ton of good things happened too. It wasn’t just unexpectedly bad, it was unexpectedly good too.

We added Hattie to our family. It’s been a bit crazy with three cats here, but there’s so much cuteness and love in this house that I wouldn’t have it any other way. They constantly make me smile. I also got a completely amazingly awesome new job and moved to Jersey City. My job and where we lived were two things I really wanted to change in 2014, but I didn’t expect it to work out like this. I really couldn’t be any happier with this move. It’s been great so far!

Despite it being a tough running year for me, I still knocked out 1,500 miles! Well, technically, I’m at 1,498 miles as I type this, but tomorrow’s run will put me over the top. Sure, by the end of April, I was on pace for 2,200 miles, but 1,500 is still almost 20% more than any previous year. I’m actually pretty psyched I was able to pump out that many miles and, as the year closes, it’s helped me start to fall back in love with running.

It was a busy year and a lot happened. Even if there was a lot of bad, there was a lot of awesome too and I’m definitely a much better person and my life is in a way better place than a year ago.

I think one of the best things all year was making good on my claim that it would be the year of meeting internet friends in meatspace. I’m not even going to try to list everyone here because the list is well over fifty people, but it’s been truly awesome. And some of them are even people I spend time with regularly now.

I think the last really notable thing about 2014 was just that it was full of a lot of firsts. Having only openly come out as transgender late in 2013, there was a lot of “first since transitioning.” Birthday, snowboarding, job interview, traveling (Brussels!…which I thought I had blogged about, but it seems I didn’t), attending a wedding, Disney, etc. Lots of firsts. Then, of course, there were the more everyday trans firsts like picking out (and then subsequently wearing) a bathing suit and getting a haircut that are a little scary for the first time when you’re all self-conscious about…everything. Even trans stuff aside, I still had some firsts like selling my first photo and getting my first tattoo.

Okay, I think that’s enough rambling about 2014. It’s time to ramble about 2015. The future in Back to the Future.

I’m not setting any goals for this year. I just kind of want to do whatever comes up, no long term goals. There are a few things I’d love to work towards, and I will, but I’m not setting anything firm. No 3:30 marathon or 2,000 miles. No “I’m going to learn x, y, z programming languages.” No “seriously, I’m going to get back into photography.” And there certainly won’t be any “I need to make this major change in my life,” I think I’ve done more than enough of those over the last couple of years.

I’m not saying any of that crap. No pressures this year. I just want 2015 to be fun and positive. The foundations for any goals I would set are already a part of my life. I don’t need to set goals to keep them up.

I don’t really know what 2015 will be like, but I’m feeling pretty good about starting a new year right now.